There are some things so quintessentially rural that they barely even get noticed in the city. Take scrumping – there is no urban counterpart. You can’t scrump an iPhone or flat white coffee – that is just called theft and best left alone. So too with the maypole; twee and distinctly unhip, you’d be forgiven for thinking it should be confined to the Home Counties. But not this year folks, we’re bringing the maypole back with a bang. Here’s our guide to make your own urban Maypole to dance around this May Day.
The police tape maypole
Probably the easiest of the lot, but also the one that carries the highest chance of arrest. The police tape maypole requires up to eight long strips of police tape, of the ‘crime scene’ or ‘do not cross variety’. Once these have been securely fastened to the top of a street lamp, skip around at leisure. Variations include traffic lights, scaffolding and construction site ‘Caution’ tape.
The politically motivated maypole
A smaller and possibly more tenuous version, using a tent pole from one of London’s remaining tent cities, (Finsbury and Parliament square are still going strong). Launch your own politically motivated maypole by tying streams of red, yellow and blue ribbons together to form a colourful stream. This will add a a festive edge to your May Day, while simultaneously showing your dissatisfaction with the three party political status quo.
The pervert’s maypole
One of our seedier poles, this is one is strictly adults only. Select a Gentleman’s club of your choosing, then kindly request that the ‘dancers’ tie their suspenders (multi-coloured stockings are preferable but not essential) around the top of the pole then join them on stage to dance merrily/sexily around. This may be the most expensive of the varieties as you will most probably be required to pay for the strippers’ time/stockings.
The pole vault maypole
And finally, this maypole is very much in keeping with the spirit of the games. First off, blag your way into some sort of gymnasium/Olympic training centre, locate the pole vaulting station and tie your pre-purchased ribbons around either the frame or the pole itself. For extra authenticity, use the ribbons from real life Olympic medals. Didi Mae Hand
(Time Out does not actually recommend that you try any of the above and will not be held responsible for the repercussions if you do! Ed)