Fantastic Mr Gus the Fox reveals his filthy secret London spots

Posted at 4:30 pm, May 11, 2012 in Fun London, Secret London, Top 5
Gus the Fox

We have often heard Gus the Fox and his mates outside at night screeching up a blood curdling storm while they get down and dirty. However, it seems that Gus may well be the filthiest of all his foxy friends and that is why we like him so much. With recent tweets including: ‘I just guffed. It was a stinker. It’s given my mate Vile Dave a nosebleed.’ and ‘I just kicked a cat so hard that his head fell off and everyone started crying’, he is our hero. So, as with all the our fave Londoners, of course we wanted to know his secret spots to be visited/avoided. 

Hampstead Heath

Hampstead Heath
‘Hampstead Heath’s great. Due to an oversight by the council, there aren’t anywhere near enough bins so it’s regularly absolutely covered in crap (I once found an entire packet of sausages). Many people use the heath for bumming strangers and foxes are no exception. Just last week I popped up there and got off with a swan on Parliament Hill. Word of warning though: On more than one occasion I’ve wasted time getting into a bin and discovered it’s just full of little bags of dog turds. Watch out for this as it can be very annoying.’

Greenwich Tip

Greenwich Tip
‘If you’re a fan of rats, piles of old shit and other people’s rubbish then you won’t want to miss out on a trip to Greenwich Tip. It stinks. It absolutely fucking stinks. I was once lucky enough to find a bag full of human hands inside a knackered old fridge. My mate Violent Clive put one on his head and pretended he was a hen. Fantastic. I’ve never really been to a tip that I didn’t enjoy but there’s just something about this place. Also if you go in the summer you’ll find that the whole place is full of wasps. Doesn’t get much better than that.’

Regents Canal

Regents Canal
‘A few years ago I found a bald rat in the canal and since then it’s always held a special place in my heart. The best thing about the canal is probably how much crap people just hurl into it. On a weekend it can look like an absolute pile of shit. Canals in the city attract a lot of colourful characters. The other day I was sucking Bisto out of a tramps trousers under a bridge. Great stuff. One of the problems with Regent’s Canal though is the amount of coots who hang about there. In my experience coots are just extremely racist and are always looking for trouble. Last time I was there I punched a coot in the throat for calling me a cunt.’

Chicken Cottage © Michael Derr

Chicken Cottage, Dalston
‘Near where I live, I can quite often be found behind the Dalston Chicken Cottage. I usually just curl up on the air conditioning unit out back and chill out. The whole place stinks of grease and there are bones and bits of chicken all over the place. Martin Clunes and Emma Bunton live in a flat above Chicken Cottage and sometimes we all hang out and they plait my fur and feed me biscuits. I guess, to me, the whole place just feels like home. I’ve got a lot of happy memories of this place. Once saw a man having a poo in skip for one. I’ve got plenty more stories like that as well. ‘

City Farm

Hackney City Farm
A great place to go if you want to murder a few hens. I’m thrilled that they put farms in the middle of the city so that people like me can, sort of, get back to their roots (my grandad used to murder hens for a living in Orpington, Kent). The other day me and my mate Double Denim David took some M-Cat and murdered about 30 or 40 hens and then just hung about until the farmer turned up. When he did he started crying and hurling his packed lunchbox at us. We laughed so much that we were sick. They also have other animals there as well. Once I saw a pig run into an electric fence and soil himself. Magical stuff.

Want more Gus? Check out his guide to London’s wildlife to discover the shocking truth about coots.

Or follow his magical London adventures at @GusTheFox.

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