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Fantasy museums we would like to see

Posted at 10:00 am, May 15, 2012 in Arts & Entertainment, Fun London

The Museum of...In honour of this week’s Time Out Magazine, we decided to think of some fantasy museums we would like to see open in London…

Museum of the Internet
Caroline McGinn, Performing Arts Editor
‘OK, so the ‘net has a gallery in the National Media Museum in Bradford. But surely the mighty world wide web deserves something bigger in London – the home city of the net’s living god, Tim Berners Lee (or TimBL as Wikipedia likes to call him). Venue? Tricky. To make it really apt we’ll need one whose circumference is everywhere and whose centre is nowhere. So how about… the M25! Soon, when the Thingternet is up and running and there’s a 3D printer in everyone’s pod, no-one will need to physically be anywhere ever again. So London’s grim asphalt girdle will be disused and available to exhibit miles of defunct modem cable and Interface Message Processors. Curated by? Homeless dotcom billionaires and now unemployed ex-Apple staff who leaked company secrets.’

Museum of Stolen Bikes
Katie Dailey, UK Lifestyle editor
‘Imagine if all the bicycles nicked from outside pubs and railway stations in London were collected in one place. A whole room could be devoted to a rogue’s gallery packed with video clips of thefts, glass cabinets full of pilfering devices, and pictures of convicted perpetrators as they’re led away to the gallows (admittedly this bit may rely on me being elected Mayor). Most of all, I’d like to be reunited with my first (of four) stolen bikes- a £25 pink shopper which was of no use to anyone but me.’

The Museum of London Places that Aren’t What They Were
Sara O Reilly, Around Town Editor
‘Remember when useful local shops weren’t estate agents? When great greasy spoons were allowed to exist as something other than branches of Starbucks? When lovely old department stores like Swan and Edgar, Arding and Hobbs or Derry and Toms were more than just characterless retail mulch? So would this museum.’

Museum of Failed Dishes
Guy Dimond, Food & Drink editor
‘A collection of exhibits chronicling the history of culinary misadventures in London. The early period would feature dishes such as Roman wine stored in lead flasks, Tudor bread padded out with chalk and sawdust and Victorian sweets adulterated with arsenic. Strong contemporary showings would come from the ostrich and mango sushi I once had at a Notting Hill restaurant or the Peking duck and hoi sin sauce pizza you can find along the South Bank.’

Museum of Discarded Tourist Tat
Sonya Barber, Blog Editor
‘At the height of holiday fever, it seems such a great idea to buy that pornographic pack of cards. However, once the sunshine and sangria have been subtracted from the picture, there’s a curious lack of allure to those glow-in-the-dark keyrings, bamboo owls and shell-covered boxes. But whilse they might be depressing on their own, en masse they could be the ultimate staycation. Just think of the beauty of the snowglobe room!’

The Pigeon History Museum
Alexi Duggins, Editor-At-Large
‘Granted, the Natural History Museum covers evolution fairly comprehensively. But the journey of the London pigeon from honest seed-gatherers to pestilent, manky-eyed bin-dwellers would be a fascinating case study in one creature’s stand against genetic progression. If nothing else, it’ll be worth it for all the nauseating ‘80s photos of guano-spattered Trafalgar Square tourists partaking in what – to the modern eye – looks less like some kind of horrific avian trial by ordeal.’

We also asked you for your suggestion of museums you would like to see. Highlights include the Museums of:

Paganism through the years

The Musical History of London

OLSX Tents!

The Museum of Strange Things found on the streets of London

Pince Nez

Gin

Pizza

Museum of farts

Hipsters

Museum of random sex acts using vegetables (!?)

Museum of things found on the bottom of the Thames

Pirates

Londoners

Kebabs

and last but not least the Museum of Facebook. Like.

Find out about London’s greatest Museums in this week’s Time Out Magazine.

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