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36 things that should be in the ultimate Olympic Opening Ceremony

Posted at 5:00 pm, July 25, 2012 in Fun London, Olympics & Paralympics
Danny Boyle unveils the Opening Ceremony stage.

The folks behind the Olympic Opening Ceremony have managed to keep the show’s contents under a tight wrap. All we’ve been told so far is to expect a verdant, pastoral scene containing real farm animals: 12 horses, 10 chickens and 3 cows among them. With so much left shrouded in mystery, we can’t help but speculate what Friday night’s spectacular will contain. Here’s how we imagine it going…

The über-cute farm animals take the stage…

Baby lamb.

Photo: Tim Pakorny

…followed by zoo animals sliding into the stadium:

Pandas on a slide.

Out come London’s famous passive-aggressive penguins:

A penguin pushing over another penguin.

And then, a short parade to honour the city’s urban wildlife:

London pigeon.

Photo: law_keven

Although foxes won’t so much ‘parade’ as ‘gaze menacingly at the chickens’:

Urban fox in London.

Photo: Stef Thomas

SPECIAL KEN LOACH DIRECTED SEGMENT:

Kes.

Cheers Ken. After that downer, time for an epic fail to pick our spirits up…

Raptor mascot faceplants.

And then BOOM! One Direction arrive on a bus, to prove that sometimes coming third gets you further than winning:

One Direction.

Who’s this arriving on the 1984 Games’ legendary jetpack?

Jetpack at the 1984 games.

It’s Benedict Cumberbatch! Here to provide a violin accompaniment:

Benedict Cumberbatch plays the violin.

And he’s brought Doctor Who with him – but what’s that he’s zapping with his Sonic Screwdriver?

David Tennant as Doctor Who.

Adele!

Adele.

CLERICAL ERROR: This section is accidentally directed by Frankie Boyle, consisting soley of unprintable remarks about Tom Daley:

Frankie Boyle.

Millions turn off their televisions in disgust and put the kettle on instead – oh yes, it’s the quintessential British tea break:

London teapot.

Back in the stadium, Usain Bolt arrives – and it looks like it’s Free McDonald’s Official Provider of the Olympic and Paralympic Games London 2012 Happy Meals for all!

Usain Bolt delivering Happy Meals

007 can’t believe his luck:

Daniel Craig isn't bothered.

On with the show. House lights down, because ladies and gentlemen, we give you… the Half-Hologram Beatles!

Beatles.

Photo: celebrity-lists

 And joining them live on stage, Coldplay’s Chris Martin, dressed as an elephant, on a unicycle!

Chris Martin on a unicycle.

Now drop the bass, Your Highness:

Camera #3, close-up on the angry flower girl:

As the beat builds, Russell Brand takes the stage and puts his Game face on:

Russell Brand game face.

Thom Yorke represents the Olympic spirit through interpretive dance:

Thom Yorke does his Lotus Flower dance.

Susan Boyle’s hips don’t lie:

Susan Boyle dancing.

The atmosphere’s electric – let’s launch those scary Olympic missiles over the stadium:

Olympic missiles.

Because surprise, surprise:

Confetti falling.

They’re confetti missiles!

Confetti.

Release the balloons!

Balloon drop.

And release the puppies!

Puppies!

Bring up the lasers…

Laser show.

Get someone to walk away from an explosion without looking…

Hugh Jackman walks away from an explosion.

Send the Red Arrows over…

Red Arrows.

And GO fireworks GO!

Fireworks!

Now even more colourful!

Firework GIF.

and more… Londony!

Big Ben Fireworks

And finally, the entire back-up firework display, all at once!

All the fireworks launched at once, San Diego.

Photo: Ben Baller

What a finale! And finally, live from the Olympic Park, British Stuff Correspondent Mary Poppins explains what it all symbolises:

Mary Poppins never explains anything.

Thanks Mary. And now it’s back to the studio. [TRANSMISSION ENDS] Guy Parsons



Want to see what really happens? Check out our Opening Ceremony guide for big screens and venues showing the event, alternative parties and – of course – when it’ll be on the TV.

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