Rumours of who’ll be performing at Sunday’s Olympic Closing Ceremony abound - and if the Opening Ceremony is anything to go by, we can expect an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink smorgasboard of Great British Quirk. As we had such success wildly speculating last time around, we thought we’d have another go at predicting this weekend’s proceedings at the Olympic Stadium…
9.05 – The Queen takes her seat, still in overalls and helmet after her spectacular ‘The Italian Job’-inspired entrance.
9.23 – Visibly refreshed after celebrating a successful Olympics, Seb Coe grabs the mic during a slow Ed Sheeran number and starts singing ‘We Are The Champions’. Badly.
9.47 – In a never-before attempted coup, the organisers get Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Jennifer Rush and Huey Lewis to each perform their respective songs entitled ‘The Power of Love’.
10.03 – The Rolling Stones’ appearance is cancelled at the last minute when Keith Richards injures himself trying to light a cigarette from the Olympic cauldron.
10.15 – Adele performs ‘Someone Like You’ to a choreographed routine depicting famous denouements in rom-coms. There’s a five minute break as giant boxes of tissues are distributed through the stadium.
10.28 – Given the amount of uniquely British humour in the Opening Ceremony, most foreign guests assume they’re simply missing the joke when they hear The Who sing ‘I hope I die before I get old’ during ‘My Generation’.
10.45 – After going AWOL in the giant McDonalds in the Olympic Park, One Direction are hurriedly replaced by five Top Shop mannequins and an iPod. Few notice the difference.
11.12 – In a flagrant act of ambush marketing, the GoCompare guy is sent into the arena with a megaphone. Bizarrely, he proves more popular than Jessie J, who is performing at the time, and receives a standing ovation.
11.45 – The Queen jetpacks out of the arena, drawing the evening to a close.
Godspeed, your Majesty.
Want to see what really happens? See our Olympic Closing Ceremony listing for all the details.