Editor-at-large Alexi Duggins is entirely at your mercy…Yet somehow he ends up quaffing tequila with Cleo Rocos
Amazing how you can mistakenly think you’re hungover. I first did it the morning after drinking Aqua Riva tequila. Granted, I hit my weekly alcohol limit in one night. But Aqua Riva’s makers say it leaves no hangover, as they ‘remove all impurities’. So clearly I was fine.
That agonising pain in my bonce? I had done a lot of thinking the night before. So I probably just cogitated some brain cells loose. My shrivelled, dried-up tongue? Most likely a bloke in the pub convinced me to trade it for a crusty old sports sock. And probably the water in my flat was toying with me. I can think of no other reason for it leaping back up my throat every time I had a glass.
‘Food poisoning!’ exclaimed Cleo Rocos – Aqua Riva’s creator, ex ‘Celeb Big Brother’ contestant and comedic sidekick of ’80s comic Kenny Everett, on the phone. ‘The rest of us have no hangover! You have to drink with us again!’
And so I find myself being plied with Aqua Riva for a second time. ‘Holly Willoughby drank 23 of these and was fine,’ explains Rocos, as she hands me a margarita. Given that it has a kick like a donkey doing the can-can, Willoughby must be the Keith Richards of daytime TV. But surely a hangover’s mainly dehydration, and alcohol always causes that? ‘Yes, you’ll be dehydrated, but drink water, and you’ll feel fine,’ offers Rocos. ‘Derren Brown had 30 and he was okay.’ All well and good, but not all of us have mind juju at our disposal.
We end the evening sipping neat tequila. No doubt that this is high quality booze: it tastes great. In fact, it may be the nicest tequila I’ve ever drunk. And it’s so potent that I end up, according to our editor (here acting as a secondary guinea pig), ‘incapable of speech’. I stand up, knock a chair flying and lurch off home.
The next day, I open my eyes to find that someone’s filled my head with cotton wool and fitted an iron band around my skull. Drinking water doesn’t help. Obviously I’m not hungover, though. Because our editor claims to ‘have no hangover at all’. But given the amount of booze I’d drunk, I’ve got off miraculously lightly. Hangover-free tequila? Dunno about that. But minimal hangover tequila? Agreed. The only problem: I’ve shown myself to be less hard than Holly Willoughby.