What to wear when…
…you can’t be bothered
By a massive stroke of luck, this season, pyjamas are in. Not just novelty onesies but – in a trend spearheaded by Stella McCartney – artfully rumpled, printed, silky trouser-and-top sets are perfectly acceptable for men and women. No, really.
…your gut defeats your waistband
Bloated? Windy? Too many sprouts? A roomy on-trend Fair Isle jumper covers all shame and provides excellent soundproofing.
…you don’t have anything to wear
This is bullshit. Dig deeper in your drawer. Find a black top. Go party. If you must splash out, spend £25 on a glittery gel manicure. Most nail bars offer Bio-sculpture or shellac treatments which bake colour on to your nails. It is totally chip-proof.
…your face looks bad and your hair looks worse
This is what novelty headgear was invented for. No face looks worse than a pair of flashing reindeer antlers. Or stash a pair of statement earrings in your bag – twinkling Christmas trees dangling from your lobes are a dazzling distraction.
…you’re sweating like a turkey in November
Ah, the curse of vintage. Don’t go dancing in man-made fabrics. Wear cotton. Rancid, nylon-enhanced pits with a top note of old mothballs are officially beyond retro.
For more festive tips, see timeout.com/christmas.