Can a hangover from hell be remedied with an otherworldly cure? We’ve been looking at some of the more eclectic hangover cures, so you can get through the Christmas period without so much as a Berocca in sight.
The Haitian Voodoo Bottle
It’s 7am and my tongue is cemented to the inside of my mouth. I am opening my eyes yet I can’t see like I used to – this is a bad one. But this time I won’t be defeated by the dirty-faced hangover elf because I have a traditional Haitian hangover cure up my sleeve. After a heavy night drinking, you make a voodoo doll out of the offending booze bottle by sticking 13 black pins in the cork. As I methodically stick 13 points into it, I imagine drilling holes into my brain and think I am going to vomit. I need to raise my game. So I adorn the bottle with tissue, magazine clippings and any debris I can find from the night that left me this way. Do I feel purged and pain-free? Yes… but I have a confession: I drank some coffee and took Neurofen too. Daisy Stenham
Alcohol guzzled: one bottle of red wine
Price of cure: £10 – but if you want to keep it basic, the pins only cost £2.19 from Ryman.
Cure rating: 6/10
THE BOTTOM LINE: Disturbing but distracting.
Noho: The Hangover Defence
Wetting the baby’s head, a birthday, lunchtime football and an England rugby match all on one day – if that isn’t a perfect recipe for a hangover, nothing is. The instructions to stop the inevitable are simple: one 60ml bottle before the boozing and one (if you can remember) after. I down the lemony-sherbety-vitaminy concoction ten minutes before our noon meet at a pub in Fulham and the day pans out as expected: bad football; good rugby; stop-offs along the District Line; the inescapable ‘gentlemen’s club’ and a curry in Brick Lane. The following morning, despite a sudden and heavy head cold, it is clear through the coughing, sneezing and sniffling, that I don’t have any hangover symptoms at all. Which makes me feel as if I’ve almost cheated. Dave Faulkner
Alcohol guzzled: ten pints of Guinness, two pints of bitter, four pints of lager, two whiskies
Price of cure: £7.99
Cure rating: 9/10
THE BOTTOM LINE: Tough decision – the price of another two pints to stay hangover-free.
The Prairie Oyster
How do you like your eggs in the morning? I like mine on white farmhouse bread, topped with grilled smoky bacon, lashings of brown sauce and half a tub of Clover. I do not like them raw, topped with Tabasco and bits of broken shell. I am, after all, not Rocky Balboa. Having just consumed enough alcohol to leave me smelling like a tramp’s beard, I’m more Dalston Donkey than Italian Stallion. Still, the internet tells me this classic cocktail of one raw egg, a teaspoon of Worcestershire sauce and two dashes of Tabasco sauce – loaded with protein and favoured by everyone from James Bond to Audrey Hepburn – should have me back in shape by lunchtime. It doesn’t. It tastes like a burrito eater has just sneezed into my mouth. Three hours later, I’m just as dizzy, shaky and irritable as ever. On the plus side, I didn’t die of food poisoning. David Clack
Alcohol guzzled: One can of Fosters, half a litre of export-strength Tanqueray gin (not mixed together – I don’t do cocktails).
Price of cure: Free! (Stole the ingredients from flatmate’s bit of the fridge.)
Cure rating: 3/10
THE BOTTOM LINE: Only worth considering if you broke your frying-pan while sloshed.