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Psychic Sonya gives us her predictions for the year ahead

Posted at 9:15 am, January 12, 2013 in Fun London
Psychic Sonya

At Time Out, we like nothing better than asking our critics to use their detailed knowledge of London to authoritatively predict the coming year’s big trends. Well, okay. There is one thing we like better: wheeling out an amateur ‘psychic’ to spuriously pontificate (AHEM! ed.) via her crystal ball. Prepare to be astounded!

Cashless payment gets (literally) out of hand
Contactless card readers become old hat, as we’re provided with ‘cardless’ payment. Thinking about buying something? Hey presto! The funds have flown from your account. The next step: ‘thoughtless transactions’. Admittedly, the City’s been doing those for some time.

The Windsorz
K-Mid and Wi-Wi continue their PR campaign to distract us from their position as in-bred overlords by taking the common approach to naming the royal sprog. It’s called Shanika or Lee and emerges on the palace balcony swaddled in Primark.

The no-visiting restaurant
In 2012, a swathe of ‘no bookings’ restaurants deemed it majorly uncool to be a keeno who secured a table in advance. Next year, expect this culinary nihilism to become so extreme that the very desire to visit an eatery disqualifies you as a try-hard. So, how to fill your joint with a suitably aloof crowd? Bouncers headlocking in unwilling punters.

Post ‘pop-up’, a new idea sweeps the city’s small businesses as the conceptual envelope is strained by a wild craze: places that actually stay open for longer than a week. Or, as they used to be known: ‘shops’.

The one-person trend
The 2012 craze for ‘milking’ –where one student Facebooked a photo of himself doused in milk and the blogosphere decided that every British undergrad spent their time emulating a bowl of Frosties – proved that one person now equates to a trend. Taken to its logical conclusion in 2013, really trendy trends don’t trend at all. This becomes so meta that the concept of ‘trend’ implodes, taking the Vice office with it.

Read more predictions from Pyschic Sonya (aka our Blogmistress)

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