We quote the words of the Ham & High newspaper, hands-down winner of Headline of the Week. But wait! How can a tortoise have ‘defied Hitler’? Well, he was found in a crater made by a German bomb which destroyed three London houses in 1942. His new owners tastefully changed his name to Adolf. He later cheated death again after napping in a bonfire. So how did he ‘come back from the dead’? Turns out he confused his owners by hibernating. That, technically, is an anticlimax.