1. Get your dog dyed
Suffering a further blow to their animal identities, cosseted canines can have their barnets transformed into a rainbow of dip-dyed colour at Hackney’s Groom Dog City where creatives can give poodles punk credand shih tzus pink ponytails. Just becareful what shade you choose: youwouldn’t want your chihuahua toclash with your Chanel.From £20, groomdogcity.com.
2. Get your faithful steed memorialised
You’re not actually allowed to hunt, kill and stuff the deer from Richmond Park. So why not consider a more urban over-the-fireplace statement courtesy of Bicycle Taxidermy? The Battersea-based service will take your trusty/rusty two-wheel write-off, mount the handlebars on an oak shield and inscribe an attached plaque with an epitaph of your choice: ‘I miss ringing your bell’, say, or: ‘I told you those brakes needed seeing to’. From £50, bicycletaxidermy.com.
3. Get some furry special guests at your party
What shinding wouldn’t be improved by a couple of armadillos? If you fancy adding a pair to your guest list, Marion and Jack are happy to oblige with an appearance at private parties inside London Zoo. Perry the llama, Winston the skunk (pictured), Levi the ferret and Liam the meerkat are also available for cameos.
Sadly, penguins are not available. Not even at black tie functions. From £250, zsl.org.
4. Get your inner minx primped and snapped
If your idea of sexy is more ‘Madmen’ than ‘madame’, and you understand the symbolic difference between a saucy sailor-girl outfit and a red thong, then help is at hand from Rockabetty. The roaming studio can help you perfect a classic ’50s look. With period backdrops, a hair and make-up stylist, giant dressing-up box and photographer all part of the package, you’re sure to become a bombshell. From £40, rockabettystudios.com.
5. Get your willful bees rehoused
Providing the bee world with a Kirstie and Phil-style relocation service, the team at Clapham’s Honey Hive Shop scour the land for fancy rural pads. They then rescue nuisance swarms from urban back gardens and rehouse them in the country. From £66, thehivehoneyshop.co.uk.
6. Get dressed up for your big entrance
Fancy-dress nerds will find a standing ovation-worthy outfit at the National Theatre Costume Hire Store. The Oval-based warehouse packs in some 60,000 costumes and props (all previously used in NT productions), from the Cleopatra dress worn by Helen Mirren in 1998 to Zoë Wanamaker’s retro number from ‘The Rose Tattoo’. More interested in the adult fetish nappy from ‘Jerry Springer: The Opera’? Erm, you’ll have to ask. By appointment, nationaltheatre.org.uk.
7. Get your dream Dalek designed
Legends among ‘Doctor Who’ collectors, the husband-and-wife duo behind Upton Park’s memorabilia den the Who Shop are constantly braced for fantastical commissions. Ordering a bespoke Dalek, for instance, would be no problem. Need one in pink? With silver lumps? Let your imagination run wild… Daleks from £4,500, thewhoshop.com.
8. Get yourself looking pale and interesting
Less fake-tan ‘Towie’, more ghostly Dita Von Teese, the porcelain-hued spray on offer at Barbican’s Hula Nails salon is designed for burlesque starlets and goth girls who want to be all-white on the night. From £30, hulanails.com.
9. Get a flick (which actually flickers) screened at your place
Digital is a dirty word in Umit Mesut’s film emporium. The Claptonite is obsessed with classic, cult and vintage films in Super 8 and Super 16 formats, and he offers a private party screening service whereby he’ll pitch up with a projector and play a vintage movie of your choice. Probably the only time you’ll get to watch cinefilm footage at home blissfully free of the words ‘Look how young Grandma was!’ From £200, 8985 1766.
10. Get a cameo created
Personalisation reaches new heights at Harrods, where you can have a piece of jewellery carved with a pet’s face – or a celeb crush. Jewellers at luxury concession Amedeo will happily chip out the likeness of anyone (or anything) on to a cameo ring, pendant or brooch – just bring along a picture of the subject. Sorry, we’ve already patented the Ryan Gos-ring… From £2,500, harrods.com.
Learn about more unusual London stuff in our top tens.