After public brawls with @TheDolphinPub and Nandos, we thought it only fair that Dalston’s cheekiest kebab shop @Mangal2 (who the UK Twitter director named his favourite account this year) got a chance to debunk seven vicious rumours. Here’s what the grill enthusiast had to say:
Our food sucks
Thatcher has died. Some are sad, some are glad. But we can all agree on one thing: our mixed kebab is fucking delicious. Try it. Buy it.
— Mangal 2 Restaurant (@Mangal2) April 8, 2013
I’m not a prostitute, but our mixed kebab is fucking delicious. Really. You get a lamb chop and cutlet, chicken wing, kofte, cop sis and an erection.
We respect lamb
Lamb has a silent ‘b’ but not when they’re being slaughtered. Then it’s all ‘BBBaaa’. It’s pretty horrific but so, so tasty.
— Mangal 2 Restaurant (@Mangal2) April 30, 2013
Lambs are arseholes. They spend their lives in fields doing fuck all. You work hard for your money and don’t look half as cute. Eating them makes you feel better in a world where Tulisa has more success than you.
We’re the sequel to Mangal 1
Most effective way to retain your customers is to create rumours about other restaurants. We heard Mangal 1 slept with Nando’s, in the bum.
— Mangal 2 Restaurant (@Mangal2) April 29, 2013
Bro, we split in the naughties and definitely came out the Timberlakes. We’ve got halloumi, Twitter and we wash our hands. That’s the equivalent of boning Jessica Beil in the restaurant world.
We’re run by the Mafia
Some restaurants are cash only. We’re not. Unfortunately, we aren’t backed by the mafia. We’ll still fuck you up, though. — Mangal 2 Restaurant (@Mangal2) January 29, 2013
You may glance inside, see a stern-faced man holding an iPhone and beating stick and assume we’re part of the Mafia. We’re not. We just live in Clapton estates.
We’re into hippy dippy bullshit
Hippies? From being free spirits in the 60s, to now working at organic food stores charging £4 for bread. Certainly showed ‘The Man’. — Mangal 2 Restaurant (@Mangal2) April 26, 2013
Seriously, we will fuck you up. Come in, eat, pay and leave. Don’t argue. We’re funny, but we’re not that funny.
Gilbert & George want to be your friends
Customer: Does Gilbert & George dine here every night? Me: Yes, every night. Customer: EVERY night? Me: Yes. Customer: EVERY NIGHT?! Me: Bro — Mangal 2 Restaurant (@Mangal2) May 28, 2013
Gilbert & George are good-intentioned, dry-humoured, charismatic men. They’re in every night at 8pm (it’s the art world’s worst kept secret). But don’t even think about turning up with hoards of arty-shit for them to sign.
Hipsters are welcome
Me: Whatcha ordering? Hipster: The liver shish, because it’s so iron-y and dry. Me (addressing staff): Guys, sword. Where’s my sword?
— Mangal 2 Restaurant (@Mangal2) April 19, 2013
They turned up from Australia like missionaries, airing nonchalance, getting jobs, doing lines in our toilets and PAYING TIPS. Seriously guys, what the fuck? Not cool, Australia, not cool.
Well that outta clear it up.
Interview by Kate Enright