The Dolphin pub is under threat and they need your help

Posted at 12:30 pm, July 26, 2013 in News
The Dolphin Pub

Have you heard the news? The legendary Dolphin pub is under threat as there have been too many thefts there recently and the police have recommended a review of its licence. We love this pub and we think you do too. To get the full lowdown we turned to Dolphin expert @the_dolphin_pub. Over to him…

Tank fly boss walk jam nitty-gritty, you’re listening to the boy from the big bad city. This is really fucking important.

Hello.

I’m @the_dolphin_pub: a Twitter feed dedicated a pub like no other.

Recently, to mark The Dolphin’s 10th birthday, I wrote a thing for this Time Out blog entitled The Top 10 Best Things About The Dolphin. Did you read it? It was fucking great.

But this is different. This time, I come to you in an hour of need. The Dolphin is in trouble and I am Bob fucking Geldof.

For reasons too annoying to explain (involving too many dicks not putting stuff in the cloakroom, then losing their wanky apple products, then calling the police to get crime numbers so they can get new wanky apple products), the Club Tropicana of East London is under threat of closure.

Sweet dreams are not made of this. Out on the streets, they call it mental. We cannot let it happen.

Can you imagine how shit London would be like without The Dolphin? We’d all be sat around listening to Mumford & Sons and ‘catching up’ over a quiet drink. That’s why God invented West London, babes.

So what can we do to help? Well, first of all: PICK UP THE PHONE AND GIVE US YOUR FUCKING MONEY! Sorry, don’t do that – got a bit too into the Bob Geldof thing.

First, you and every human you know (especially the ones you’ve shagged thanks to a night in The Dolphin) need to sign this petition; hot n’ fresh out the kitchen…

Next, you can tweet your outrage, using the hashtag #SaveTheDolphin. If you don’t know what a hashtag is: fuck off back to MySpace.

As for other ways to support the cause, I’ve been playing around with a few ideas…

1: We scale Lidl, like those lesbians from Greenpeace that scaled The Shard to save Lapland.

2: We have a march down Mare Street, bollock-naked, with ‘Freak Me’ by Another Level playing simultaneously on all our iPhones.

3: We find someone that’s got David Cameron’s mobile, then text him.

4: We ask R Kelly to buy Hackney.

5: We all move into The Dolphin and never fucking leave.

If you have any better ideas, tweet me. Together we can beat this bullshit.

This is how we do it. We got 21 seconds to go viral. You gotta fight… for your right…. TO DOLPHIN!!


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