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London Fire Brigade reports kinky cuff ‘incidents’ on the up

Posted at 5:15 pm, July 30, 2013 in Fun London, News
Flickr: kstepanoff

Handcuffs dear? Fetter not. The London Fire Brigade have reported a record number of manacle-related ‘incidents’ since the release of E.L James’ saucy book of bondage, ’50 Shades of Grey’.

Now we’re all for sexual liberation, but as the Fire Brigade reports a 10% rise in restraint-related incidents since 2010, it seems that lustful lovers may not be enjoying the erotic evening they had planned, but instead are ending up stuck, starkers, and with an embarrassing explanation on their hands.

With hundreds of people trapping themselves in household objects in the last three years, the 79 cases of curious cuffers are hardly on their own. That said, though the 500 people freed from rings stuck on their fingers were probably a touch more bashful, the nine individuals with rings stuck on their penises were probably a fraction more flustered. We can’t even imagine how the man who got ‘himself’ stuck in a vaccum cleaner must have felt.

Following speculation that ‘the 50 Shades effect’ is to blame, it is probably a good idea to take heed of the word from the LBF:  If your going to engage in a spot of seductive shackling… ‘always keep the keys handy.’ Wise words.

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