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‘Once, when I was out clubbing…’: Time Out readers tell all

Posted at 5:00 pm, September 26, 2013 in Fun London, Music & Nightlife

Time Out’s readers reveal the odder things they’ve seen and done after dark…

© Nathan James Page

‘I was making my way around a properly crusty rave when I saw a little old lady aged about 70 going for it on the dancefloor. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was very obviously staring and this guy came up and proudly declared: “She’s my nan! She loves a good dance”.’ Tahlee Johnson, 40, Brixton,footwear designer

‘My arm hair brushed up against Andrew Weatherall’s at the bar of East Village. You should never meet your heroes, but rubbing up against them is fine.’ Barnaby Sprague, 31, music writer, Highgate

‘I was at a party in a deserted office block. The floor was covered in sand to make it feel tropical. I found what I thought was face paint and we painted our faces blue. It wasn’t face paint, it was paint for walls.And we had blue faces for days.’ Mark Leeburn, 34, teacher, Tooting

‘The door staff at an east London warehouse rave requested one nervy looking chap reveal the contents of his pockets. First came his keys, mobile and a wallet. Standard. Next, fags, lighter and… a Peperami. Real class-A dance fuel.’ Nick Parker, 25, digital marketing intern, east London

‘While queuing for a warehouse rave in Hackney Wick, a group of us subtly pushed into the massive line outside. When we got to the front, a homeless guy sitting on the pavement yelled to the bouncers, pointed us out as cheats and we got sent to the back of the queue. It turned out the homeless guy did it every night, in return for charity from the rest of the crowd.’ Lisa Freeman, 28, nurse,Walthamstow

© Nathan James Page

‘A girl on a mission grabbed my hand so I started performing some salsa moves with her. After turning and twisting her, I hoisted her up in the air like in “Grease”, but her dress rode up and her exposed her brown Bridget Jones Spanx.’ Harpal Virdee, 27, Notting Hill Gate, Personal stylist

‘I watched a grown man serenade two women with the Beyoncé “Single Ladies” dance. I wouldn’t have been surprised by the twee shapes he was throwing, had he not left with both of them. I walked home alone.’ James Baines, 24, account executive, Surbiton

© Nathan James Page

‘I took a nap for what felt like five minutes. It must have been ages, as when I woke up, someone had put a hotel’s “Do Not Disturb” sign around my neck and a napkin on my chest, to mop up the drool.’ David Welsh, 26, barman, Crouch End

‘I got so wasted that I thought the only way I could leave was to walk quietly and slowly backwards. Surprisingly it worked. I’d backed myself all the way to the door when the bouncer asked if I was okay. I looked at him frightened and ran off down the street.’ Mark Gale, 27, carer, Homerton

‘I dressed as a bride for the Royal Wedding. I got more drinks bought for me and more compliments than usual. Take note, I am a man.’ Craig Jay, 23, film editing trainee, Mill Hill

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‘I spent an hour looking for my friend after he suddenly disappeared from the dancefloor. Someone pointed me in the direction of the entrance where he was sat on the floor next to a vending machine, crying because he couldn’t get any crisps out of it. He got kicked out 30 minutes later.’ Katie Watson, 25, digital planner, Islington

‘I was on the dance floor when a circle formed for a dance-off. All of a sudden, a larger guy steps into the middle and starts doing the worm, with Right Said Fred’s song “I’m Too Sexy” playing in the background.’ Chloe Dobinson

‘I popped out to get some cash, when I returned I realised I’d gone back into a different club. I couldn’t get through to anyone’s phone, so I just stayed for the rest of the night.’ Colin Farley

‘We went to an infamous club where we danced on a podium covered in blood that had just been splattered onto us from a woman’s head, as she spun naked above us by her hair. I vommed a little in my mouth, before unashamedly dancing on with my friends until the early hours. We then went to 24 hour restaurant VQ on the Fulham Road, and ate with all the blood splatter still on us.’ Catherine Lux

‘When I was out clubbing with the girls, we spontaneously stumbled into a very busy, pink bar and couldn’t understand why there were no women around. We ordered our strawberry daiquiris anyway and sat down, we then noticed the pictures of naked men on the walls. We’d crashed gay night.’ Dana Leigh

‘I accidentally glanced off a rather lavish transvestite. A steely gaze and the unmistakably electrifying beginnings of “It’s Raining Men” on the speakers were the perfect catalysts for violently gyrating hips and unhinged arm movements. Before I had time to flee, a terrifying sphere had formed, humidity was rising and I was locked into a move-busting battle. But my flailing drunken limbs were no match for my opponent’s crowning choreography. Needless to say, Colin won.’  Ali Pantony

‘I started at Punk during Fashion Week, where The Queens of Noize were stomping in their high heels to the pumping bass of ”We Are Your Friends,” and giggly couples rolled insanely all over the floor. Kate Moss smiled from a corner couch, while paparazzi and fans kept screaming for Lily Allen and Daisy Lowe when I took a cigarette break. Later, my prankster friends and I snuck into the second inner VIP sanctum of a palatial after party, where I ended up in an argument with a boring German male model, and ended up drunkenly falling in front of Vivienne Westwood—who was too busy rolling a joint to notice, and didn’t seem to give a fuck about all the fuss.’ Christine Cocette 

© Nathan James Page

Nathan James Page, 38, is an illustrator working in Spitalfields. nathanjamespage.blogspot.com

 

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