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Surveys reveal that we’re miserable, egocentric billionaires

Posted at 6:00 pm, June 8, 2014 in Fun London
sex survey

Oversexed undergrads, bulging bank balances and way too many selfies: here’s what we have learned about our city from a recent bountiful crop of surveys.

STUDENT SEX

Average scholar 7.93 partners
The results of Studentbeans.com’s annual academic-intercourse audit are in. And London’s entry in the top five is Queen Mary, University of London, where the average scholar had 7.93 partners – presumably the eighth had a few fingers missing. ‘Sex remains a hot issue for Britain’s students, evidenced by the more than 6,000 responses to this survey,’ panted the website’s editor James Read.

middle finger

SYMPATHETIC CITIZENS

32ND Most unhelpful
Despite scoring highly for nightlife, shopping and attractions in TripAdvisor’s 2014 Cities Survey, London came nearly last out of 37 destinations for ‘helpfulness of the local population’. Let’s all get out there and prove them wrong! Point out Big Ben to a group of baffled Belgians, hold open a door for a dawdling Djiboutian, politely tell a misguided Manc that it would be much better to stand on the right of the escalator. You’re welcome, world.

unhappy house

DISCONTENTED DWELLERS

Least cheerful area to live
In this year’s Rightmove Happy at Home survey, every single one of the least cheerful areas to live in Britain was in London. From the pessimists of Perivale to the disconsolate denizens of Dagenham, it seems none of us like living here. But what’s actually so bad about Croydon, third sorriest place in the land, or Ilford at number two (apart from the fact that Noel Edmonds grew up there)? Come on, misery guts of London: cheer up!

selfie

SUBSTANTIAL SELFIES

882,000 Egocentric snaps
Here’s something to be proud of. The most tired trend of the twenty-first century has reached a sorry all-time low in this city: we live in the selfie capital of the world. A survey, by Suggestme.com, of 6.3 million social media posts found that 14 percent of all arm’s-length auto-snaps were taken here, presumably in front of our many photogenic landmarks (manky red phone box, stony-faced bobby on the beat, fake punk at Piccadilly Circus). Say cheese, London!

pound sign

BURGEONING BILLIONAIRES

72 Mega tycoons
The recent Sunday Times Rich List revealed London is home to more billionaires than anywhere else in the world: 72 in total. Poor old Moscow only managed 48, while practically penniless New York had just 43. So let’s not be so hard on ourselves: this may be a cold, rainy, overcrowded city of miserable, unhelpful narcissists, but if the world’s richest people choose to live here, we must be doing something right. Tax breaks, you say? Oh. As you were.

Remember why London is so great by checking out 64 fantastic things happening in London this June.

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