If you prefer your football in Subbuteo-sized chunks, there are plenty of loosely World Cup-themed events that are basically an excuse to have loads of non-football-related fun. Here you go, here you go, here you go…
The Vaults World Cup Carnival
Subterranean space The Vaults is going on a major World Cup wig-out. As well as screening matches, the venue will be hosting ticketed parties for group stage games, with food, drink and entertainment, all themed around a competing country from each match. There’s a German oompah band, Russian folk music, Ghanain Azonto dance classes and body painting, Dutch DJs, an Argentine drumming band and a vintage, all-vinyl party for ol’ England. The Vaults, Leake St, SE1 7NN. Tube: Waterloo. Thu Jun 12-Sun Jul 13.
World Cup Discoteca
Suffering from samba overload? Strip things back a little and dive – like you’re gunning for a penalty in the final – onto the dancefloor to absorb some deep disco bliss at this club night hosted by London DJ collective NVWLS. Psychedelic funk and house DJ Mighty Mouse leads the audio action. Fair warning: come to think of it, you will probably hear quite a lot of samba-infused disco. The Horse & Groom, 28 Curtain Road, EC2A 3NZ. Overground: Shoreditch High St. Fri Jun 13.
Club De Fromage: World Cup Stars of the ’80s and ’90s
This pop club night is gloriously, unashamedly tackier than the worst perm that Kevin Keegan ever unleashed, and that’s why we love it. Dress up like football stars of yesterday (think blindingly bright shell suits and too-tight training shorts), rap along with John Barnes on ‘World in Motion’, dance like Peter Crouch’s robot and cry like Gazza when it’s over. O2 Academy Islington, 16 Parkfield St, N1 OPS. Tube: Angel. Sat Jun 14.
Innersoul Vs. Fizzy
What does drum ‘n’ bass have to do with football? Not much, but it is pretty popular in Brazil, and you can hear the host country’s samba-infused take on the genre at this World Cup-themed collision of two club nights, as well as heavier styles from producers Nu:Tone and Commix. England’s opening match against Italy will be screened at the start of the night. Plan B, 418 Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY. Tube: Brixton. Sat Jun 14.
World Cup Dinner Dance
Make up for not being in Brazil by wolfing down as much Brazilian food as possible for four weeks, starting with this five-course feast. Included are coxinha (deep-fried shredded chicken dumplings), barbecued picanha steak and a caipirinha. Afterwards, you can groove to house soundtracks or watch England’s opening match against Italy, kicking off at 11pm. Secret location. Sat Jun 14.
Supernova: Brazilian Edition
Get in the Carnival spirit at north London nightclub Egg, where you can catch top Brazilian DJs spinning fiery beats at a special instalment of house and techno night Supernova. Anderson Noise, Leo Janeiro, Marcio S and Raphael Mello are some of the names behind the decks – as well as selectors from around the globe – and we’re promised plenty of colour and Carnival atmosphere. Egg, 200 York Way, N7 9AX. Tube: King’s Cross St Pancras. Sat Jun 21.
Bar Shorts at Crystal Palace Overground Festival
Short films screening crew Bar Shorts are hosting a night of films based around beach volleyball. Sorry, we meant football, definitely football. They’re an arty lot, so prepare for a leftfield take on the World Cup that should satisfy even passionate football-haters – who should probably avoid the match screenings taking place. There’s also live music from folksy electronic band Fireflies, plus drinks food and hopefully dancing. Antenna Studios, Haynes Lane, SE19 3AN. Overground: Crystal Palace. Sat Jun 28.