Not content with just being London’s mayor, Boris Johnson revealed today that he’s going to stand as an MP at next year’s election. And – oh yeah – he’s going to do it without quitting his job as mayor. Sure.
We struggle with just getting out of bed, going to work and then getting back into bed everyday, let alone holding down two of the biggest jobs in the country. BoJo must be planning to stop time in order to get that level of shit done. In fact we’re becoming increasingly convinced he’s the current owner of Bernard’s Watch.
While he’s at it, here are a few other positions he could apply for to fill his infinite hours.
1. ‘X Factor’ judge
A position so coveted, Cheryl ‘Fernandez-Versini’ Cole has run for it THREE times. The ‘X Factor’ auditions might have already kicked off, but were sure there’s still room for a little BoJo on the judging panel. We’re pretty sure Boris knows more about music than Louis Walsh. Plus, one of the panel (Mel B) is inevitably going to storm off at some point during the series anyway.
2. England football captain
After England’s latest World Cup dream once again ended in tears, it’s time to think more creatively about who we have on the team. Not only have we seen Boris show off some excellent footy skills in the past (see below), David Cameron’s described him as one of his ‘star players on the pitch’. We say: BoJo to lead England to Euro 2016 victory.
3. The new face of L’Oreal
Forget Eva Longoria and Beyoncé, this natural blonde’s totally worth it. *SWOOSH*
4. The UK’s 2015 Eurovision entry
Picture the scene: Boris jets into the Austrian arena via helicopter, zip-wires his way to the stage, wades through a sparkling infinity pool, then grabs the mic and performs the following Bob Marley cover while go-karting through the crowd. It’s a sure-fire winner.
5. Poet Laureate
Anyone who’s read Boris’s poem from the launch of friend Rachel Kelly’s book ‘Black Rainbow’ knows the level of artistic talent he has. Including lines like ‘when you’ve been stopped from leading Labour/by your brother’s bad behaviour’, it was a thing of majesty. #PoJoLaureate
6. Christian Grey in the sure-to-happen stage production of ’50 Shades of Grey’
Okay, we went too far there.