Richmond: peace-loving, semi-suburban wonderland of big houses and bright-trousered posh folk, or puppy-slaying hell-hovel littered with the corpses of all things adorable? The former is probably the more accurate description, but that doesn’t change the fact that the south-western borough is the worst place in London for crimes against wildlife.
As shown by this flashy map, put together by World Animal Protection, the Metropolitan Police’s Wildlife Crime Unit and Greenspace Information for Greater London, Richmond is a black spot for incidents against all manner of creatures. In the last six months alone, there have been 26 reported incidents, including three cases of bird disturbance (involving a coot, a pigeon and a swan), ten cases of fish poaching (presumably in a ‘nicking them from a lake’ way rather than in a ‘gently in a white wine sauce’ way), two cases of habitat disturbance and one case of deer-meets-car.
Bromley came second on the list with 22 recorded cases, followed by Westminster with 19.
Troubling statistics indeed, and while we expect the numbers simply reflect the greater number of animals living in those boroughs (if you ever see a deer bounding through Hackney, it’s probably time you took a cab home), it’s pretty shocking stuff for the city’s animal lovers.
So, to the people of Richmond we say this – chill the fuck out and leave the animals out of it. Else we’ll send wildlife-loving Richmond resident David Attenborough round to disturb your habitat, good and proper.
For more animal news read about these ten animals that should be given jobs in London.
By David Clack