Hello, I’m @the_dolphin_pub, unofficial Twitter account of the best pub on Earth (and more importantly: east London). This week, Judge Judy ruled that, despite attempts to take its late licence, The Dolphin can remain open until 4am on Fridays and Saturdays, which is of course the greatest news of the millennium. This was helped by the #SaveTheDolphin campaign, which saw thousands signing a petition hot and fresh out the kitchen and drummed up (mostly silent) support from the likes of Vanilla Ice, Mariah Carey and Dane Bowers.
To celebrate this orgasmic moment in history, here are my ten songs that sum up how everyone feels about The Dolphin’s victory.
1. Beastie Boys: ‘Fight For Your Right’
Clearly, Beastie Boys are no Backstreet Boys. But this song about fighting for your right to party is perfect for this cos that’s what we did. It proved that hipsters aren’t only capable of drinking, shagging and watching Danish dramas; we can actually change stuff when we put our minds and hashtags to it.
2. R Kelly: ‘I Believe I Can Fly’
Leaving R Kelly out of this list would be like leaving wine off your shopping list: mental. This song perfectly encapsulates how everyone in London feels about this ruling. For a minute, it looked like we’d all have to spend the rest of our lives crawling from Yates’s to All Bar One. But no, friends, we truly can fly.
3. Warren G: ‘Regulate’
As well as being one of the greatest songs of all time, this Warren G classic is perfect cos that’s exactly what those dicks tried to do with The Dolphin: regulate. But, unlike Warren G, they didn’t have Nate Dogg or any understanding of the G-funk era. The moral of the story? If you’re not Warren G, don’t even think about trying to regulate.
4. Salt N’ Pepa: ‘Push It’
Again, a stonewall classic. But also a great description of the carefully considered #SaveTheDolphin campaign strategy: tweet, tweet then tweet again. And if So Solid Crew don’t reply to your request for a retweet? Fuck it, try Craig David. Clearly, Salt N’ Pepa were the foremothers of social media.
5. Coolio: ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’
Why this song? Well basically, I gotta be down with the hood team. Too much television watchin’ got me chasin’ dreams. I’m an educated fool with money on my mind, got my wine in my hand and a gleam in my eye. I’m a loc’ed out gangsta, set-trippin banger, and my homies is down, so don’t arouse my anger, fool. That’s why.
6. TLC: ‘Waterfalls’
When you think about it, The Dolphin is like a waterfall: wet, exciting and goes on for ages. For this reason, and the fact that this song makes everyone horny, I have put it in this list.
7. Craig David: ‘7 Days’
It’s a well-known fact that Craig David’s timeless masterpiece, ‘7 Days’, is a tribute to The Dolphin. Where else could you take someone for a drink on Tuesday and be shagging them by Wednesday? What Craig left out though is that on Friday and Saturday, before heading back to his to bang each other, the pair of them hoofed jägerbombs and danced to Sean Paul at The Dolph.
8. Backstreet Boys: ‘I Want It That Way’
Tell me why! Ain’t nothing but a court case. Tell me why! No early nights at this place. Tell me why. I never wanna hear you say… I want it that way. Fucking love the Beastie Boys.
9. So Solid Crew: ‘21 Seconds’
This UK garage masterwork highlights the urgency with which we drove the #SaveTheDolphin campaign. There was no time for fucking about. Gimme 21 seconds to write this line. Other campaigns, wait in line. We had 21 seconds till the hearing’s done. 2 multiplied by 10… plus 1? Romeo done.
10. Queen: ‘We Are The Champions’
This song is shit. But it’s about winning. So shut your face.
Thanks for reading. Viva La Dolphin. Peace.
Get yourself down there this weekend: it’s gonna be huge like Nicki Minaj’s arsecheeks. x
For latest news on The Dolphin, you can follow the official account too @DolphinHackney.
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