We all saw the swanky new designs released yesterday for the brand spanking new tubes due to hit the Piccadilly line in the next ten years. Yes, they sure look pretty shiny. They have walk-through carriages, wider doors, dynamic advertising/information displays, on-board wifi and even *gasp* air conditioning.
But we think TfL could have gone even further in designing their dream tube train. Here are a few suggestions that we reckon they should consider:
If they want us to be comfortable, why not give us a handy place to rest out coffee cups, juice beakers, cans of Coke, water bottles etc? We reckon it could save a fortune in cleaning up sticky floors…
A tea trolley
In fact, while we’ve got our beverage sitting comfortably, we’d love a refill! Okay, maybe not practical during rush hour but in quieter times, we think a British Rail style tea trolley dishing out hot drinks and biscuits would make commuters much perkier.
Fine, if tea trolleys are too much to ask, how about a humble in-carriage vending machine? They could champion independent London suppliers and rotate produce. C’mon, non-smelly affordable tube snacks for all! You know it makes sense.
Surely there would be loads more room if we could put all our shopping, backpacks, suitcases, children up on a luggage rack above the seats? That’s wasted space, people!
As the tube gears up to go 24 hours on weekends next year, we’d recommend a quarantine for people who look too peaky to sit near. We predict there’ll be a lot more late-night tube vomming so anything to avoid the wafting smell of bile is okay by us.
Forward facing seats
A lot of people get queasy when they sit backwards on a train and try to read. Let’s help those poor chaps out by making a few forward facing seats. People could wear badges similar to the ‘baby on board’ ones to identify themselves as nauseous travellers so they’d always get a forward-facer.
While we’re talking about seats, how about a few comfy options, eh? Although we don’t want to incite any leg-room induced psychotics…
Rails of varying heights
Not everyone is a giant or has go-go gadget arms! Us short-arses need things to hold on to too.
The hangy things
You know, the spring ones from ye olden tubes. We’d like to see those make a comeback too, just for nostalgia’s sake.
Book swapping shelves
There’s already a clandestine tube book swapping movement but we think this should be turned into a legit encouraged activity. Done with your novel? Leave it on the book shelf for your neighbour to get stuck in to.
While we’re on reading material, it couldn’t hurt to have a few magazine racks on board full of fine publications such as ours to avoid that awkward reach over to rescue a copy abandoned on the vent.
We don’t want to encourage mobile phone use on the Underground but we’re not too proud to admit that it would be really helpful to charge our dying iPhones for a few minutes while we travel. Cheers!
Let’s have a shouting-free zone please, especially if we’re going to be able to use our mobiles down there. Mmmmm peace and quiet…
However, if you’d rather your journey was filled with banging tunes and dancing, you’ll need to head to the club zone. Let’s get the guys who set up an impromptu one on the Northern line a few weeks ago to do a weekend residency.
And while we’re recreating things that happen above ground, why not have some pull-out tables for a weekly pop-up supper club held by these guys?
We all love seeing animals on the tube, right? Let’s allow our pets down there, but keep them slightly separate to spare those with allergies, phobias etc.
To stop people taking surreptitious photos of other people eating, reading, breathing etc, let’s embrace selfie culture and allow people to document their journeys with a few comparative snaps. Perfect for tourists and Londoners alike.
You’re welcome, TfL!
And while we’re making journeys more pleasant, here are 20 tube etiquette rules we should all abide by.