Lots of speculation abounds about the new bond film ‘Spectre’. But the thing we’re most interested in is the theme tune. In fact, there’s a specific question that we’ve become a bit obsessed with. After seeing one of the Sunday Times’ lovely film bods tweeting that they thought ‘spectre’ was a hard word to get into a theme song, we’ve gotten a bit overexcited about it and decided to try it. In fact, the more we cogitate, there are so many rhymes that we almost think it should be turned into the first ever James Bond rap. And actually, now we think about it, it also rhymes with the name of the grime MC Skepta. So surely he should do his own grime version of the tune? YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.
Anyway, here’s our version.
You’re like a man outside a playground in a Vauxhall Vectra.
Or a casserole that’s been cooked up by Hannibal Lecter.
Ie you sound creepy.
Don’t worry world, Bond’ll protect ya.
Unless you’re female.
In which case he’ll sex ya.
He’ll treat you nice, first, though.
Take you to Hofesh Schecter.
But then he’ll escape via car seat
(It’s an ejector).
Rhymes with conscientious objector,
Also nearly sounds like ‘surge protector’,
So we should probably make a joke about it being shocking.
But we haven’t.
M, don’t give Bond a lecture,
He’s off to go battle SPECTRE.
Disguised as a humble Rector,
he’ll slip past the guards of SPECTRE.
Bond’ll go to war, he’s no conscientious objector.
When it comes to Spectre,
He’s nearly as devious as an oil prospector.
Bound to win in a trifecta,
The plural of plectrum is plectra,
This is where the song ends, as we got no more rhymes for Spectre.
Find out more about ‘Spectre’.
By Alexi Duggins