1. Your first NYE idea will be ridiculous
A multiple-party plan, it’ll be designed so you can see your home friends, work friends and uni friends all in one night. In reality, it’ll lead to you spending midnight popping bottles at a bus stop in the rain.
2. You’ll consider having a house party
Then remember the never-to-be-mentioned incident of NYE 2007 and decide you definitely won’t be hosting one. That weird smell lingered until late February.
3. Your housemate will suggest a proper grown-up cheese and wine night
You’re not proper grown-ups. It’ll just turn into a house party.
4. An NYE Scrooge will shoot down all your ideas
They’ll complain every club night’s too expensive and every pub’s too boring. Oh, and they won’t suggest any other plans. CHEERS TO YOU, DOUCHEBAG FRIEND.
5. You’ll receive an anonymous text about a warehouse party, ‘entry £40, venue TBC’
And consider it as a viable option for much longer than you should. Nothing better than spending NYE waiting for a stranger to text you a postcode…
6. All of your couple friends will decide to do couple things
‘Paul and I are just going to have an M&S Dine in for Two and watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy <3 ‘. Barf.
7. Someone will invite all the friends you want to spend NYE with to a country cottage
So you’ll retaliate by trying to plan your own mini-break, but it’ll be way too late. Relaxing night at Reading Holiday Inn, guys? GUYS?!
8. You’ll get Jools Holland anxiety
The irrational fear you might end up spending NYE with only Jools, a cut-price bottle of prosecco and a grab bag of Walkers Sensations for company.
9. Someone will suggest going to the official fireworks
Hahahahahaha. You guys crack me up.
10. You’ll give up planning and things will immediately fall into place
The moment you admit defeat and quit your ‘NYE 2K14’ WhatsApp group is the moment a friend will suggest a plan so simple you’d all originally discounted it. It’ll probably be along the lines of ‘Sebright Arms, anyone?’ and it’ll be perfection.
Struggling? See the best New Year’s Eve parties in London here.
Plus, win four tickets to one of this year’s biggest parties here (including drinks).