Loved up and looking for a party? There’s something for everyone happening this weekend.
Dying to dress up as a horny humboldt penguin?
The Vaults, Fri Feb 13 and Sat Feb 14
This fantastically untamed affair organised by feral party collective Artful Badger takes place in the subterranean venue beneath Waterloo Station as part of Vault Festival. There’ll be kinky cabaret, live music, secret rooms full of, well filth, DJs, dancers, aerial performance and other sultry fun to be soaked up. The dress code is amorous animals, so perfect that randy rhino, pouting pussy or doberman dominatrix look you’ve been cultivating.
Gagging to spend Valentine’s Day gobbling down hot sausage?
Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club, Sat Feb 14
There’s nothing more romantic than taking your beloved to a hot dog-eating contest before hoofing balls at coconuts – on a coconut shy, you filthy lot. If that sounds like your ideal date, head to this uber-quirky/plain bizarre party, themed around New York’s staggeringly weird and wonderful Coney Island neighbourhood. You’ll find a surreal collection of fairground follies, DJs spinning ’50s rock ‘n’ roll, games and, yes, even a tribute to Coney’s famous hot dog eating contest. Just don’t barf over your beloved.
Want to woo your beloved with sexy slow jams?
The Laundry, Sat Feb 14
The Valentine’s edition of this ace, sweatbox party should be a silky smooth affair. DJs Juice Susan, Rivah, Radi Dadi and Maxwell Jaye will be caressing your ears and seducing your sonic soul. When you’ve been teased onto the dancefloor, lock in your sexiest groove to a soundtrack of lush R&B and shimmering hip hop. It’s business time.
Looking to get loved-up behind an Art Deco library?
Sat Feb 14, secret location
This clandestine retro pop-up party – fuelled by ragtime rhythms and liquor takes place in a secret location – all we know is that it’s behind a library. There’ll be a swing jazz orchestra for lovers to dance to, a palm tree-lined ballroom lit by candles (don’t singe your hot date’s dress/tux when you’re spinning them round, mind), burlesque performance and a DJ spinning vintage tunes.
Pining for a pop-up disco in a beautiful townhouse?
Bloomsbury House, Sat Feb 14
This Valentine’s-themed pop-up takes place across five grand rooms of the spectacular Bloomsbury House, which the organisers assure us will be filled with ‘love, laughter and disco’. We’re fans of all three, and even more so when they’re combined with cocktails, a kissing photobooth and a cinema lounge screening ‘True Romance’, though the film will cost you an extra tenner.