‘Game of Thrones: season five’ premieres tonight in London – in the Tower of London, no less. Don’t believe us? Here’s the Iron Throne being lifted in earlier today! But what will this new season bring? We’ve got a few ideas…
Ever since Sean Bean had his head snicked off by that chap from Dr Feelgood, the bloody murder of major players has been the USP of ‘Game of Thrones’ (well, that and certain other fleshy activities, see below). So who’s for the chop this season? The show has already bumped off several characters who are still alive and kicking in the books, which means that nobody’s safe. Watch your backs, guys.
‘Game of Thrones’ may be crammed with world-conquering female characters, but they do tend to do a fair amount of their dominating in the buff while their masculine counterparts rarely flash so much as a hairy bumcheek. Expect the show to bring balance this season with at least a smattering of sausage – attached or otherwise.
It’s taken three long years, but Daenarys Targaryen’s leathery offspring are finally reaching a size where they can wreak maximum havoc. They’ve already wolfed down several goats and one toddler by way of an appetiser. Now it’s time for the main course, served scorched and bloody…
Expect a lot more god-bothering goingson this season, as Melisandre brings the light of R’hllor to those heathens beyond the Wall, Arya finds herself in a very particular kind of temple and Jonathan Pryce joins the cast as the High Sparrow, the kind of hairshirt-wearing holy man who prefers whips to whist drives.
Like a runaway train rapidly running out of track, ‘Game of Thrones’ is reaching the limit of George RR Martin’s published novels. With the next book not due until 2016 at the earliest, expect this season to chuck in all kinds of invented obstacles to slow our heroes down while they wait for Big G to get it together and dictate their fates.
By Tom Huddleston
Thronesters, take a look at this Game of Thrones banquet!