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April fools and fails: zero gravity London Eye pods, a sloth bar and piggyback taxi rides

Posted at 1:05 pm, April 1, 2015 in Fun London
Brixton-Pound-Major

 

Don’t believe anything you read today, unless of course it’s on the Time Out blog*. Because it’s April Fools again, when everyone pulls out their best porkie pies in the hope of being able to scream ‘gotcha’ at you tomorrow. As it’s gone noon (the official end to this madness), we’ve rounded up the best London-based fools we’ve seen so far, from the ones we almost fell for, to the ones we wish were true, to the ones that barely raised a chortle.

Major news for Brixton

Brixton Pound almost had us fooled with the news that John Major was the new face of their £5 notes. His Average-Joe-to-PM story made him a vaguely convincing candidate – although we heard more calls for his face to be printed on toilet paper than paper money.

Fools rating: 5/5

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Bouncy aisles at Tesco

The supermarket chain claims to be introducing trampoline-style paths to make your supermarket shop more fun. We hear they’re also now stocking tartan paint.

Fools rating: 2/5

zero-gravity

Zero gravity pods at the London Eye

The London Eye has pictures claiming to show that you can now walk on air as you ride. They say it’s thanks to a project in conjunction with the ‘British Space Research Programme.’ Zero believability.

Fools rating: 1/5

April Fools - lion at Battersea

A new resident at Battersea Cats and Dogs Home

Battersea’s homeless moggies are today reported to be joined by an unprecedented arrival: an abandoned lion named ‘April’. Sure.

Fools rating: 1/5

April Fools - Santander

The first cycle-thru branch of Santander

Cycling enthusiasts may be thrilled at the thought of a cycle-thru bank where they can grab their cash without the faff of hopping off their bike. But before you start practicing your back peddling pin entry, remind yourself of the date.

Fools rating: 3/5

April Fools - Hailo

Hailo taxi piggyback rides

Getting stuck in gridlock during a cab ride is a bummer, so the idea of having someone rush us around via piggyback ride isn’t all that crazy an idea from taxi app Hailo. But it’s clearly a fools, none the less, even if the concept of 360 degree views during your journey does sound delightful.

Fools rating: 2/5

April Fools - Happy Hippo

A pygmy hippo café

Yes, animal cafés are all the rage – but pygmy hippos? They’ve gone all out for the theme, claiming you can play Hungry Hippos, eat Happy Hippos and meet and greet their two real pygmys. But given the date, we smell a rat. Here are the details. We’ll let you decide for yourself.

Fools rating: 5/5

A sloth bar

Everyone’s jumping on the animal eatery bandwagon today – kudos to Bar Chick for raising suspicions with claims there’s a Sloth ‘n’ Roll sanctuary coming to Battersea Park.

Fools rating: 4/5

April Fools - Oyster

Bump ‘n’ grind Oyster payments

Smart ePants are the dreamwork of gadget store Firebox, which they say allow you to pay for transactions via a ‘waterproof microchip stitched into the front and back’ of the cotton undies. They promise that riffling through your bag for your Oyster will be a thing of the past, as you can touch in and out on your commute via a pelvic thrust or a twerk over the Oyster machine. Sounds novel, but sadly they’re talking out of their arse.

Fools rating: 3/5

A private underground railroad for Ed Reev

Dezeen claims that photographer Ed Reev has plans to build an underground private Crossrail under his famous sunken home in De Beauvoir Town, just above the planned route for Crossrail 2. It would be accessible via a private lift. The most appealing part of this potential fools is that he says: ‘I think the station could become a prototype for public-private initiatives in the capital’s infrastructure.’ A tube you can ride solo? The dream. Foreseeable reality? Nah.

By Hayley Spencer

*We may have lied, this article is also a load of tosh.

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