Apparently there’s an election happening this week. Who knew? Satisfying as it is casting your vote on Thursday May 7, you might also be after some post-ballot fun – perhaps you want to watch the election while getting boozy, or look for a comforting laugh or two. Then again, maybe you’ll just need to dance the night away into a new day and possibly a new government. Luckily, there’s plenty going on over election night, including these seven great events.
The dancefloor democracy party
YesNo Disco Election Special
At this brilliantly fun and cunning party, punters get to ‘vote’ for which songs they support by showing their appreciation on the dancefloor. The songs themselves – covering anything from pop to R&B to power ballads – will have a pseudo-political vibe. Kind of. Beyoncé’s little-known socialist cry of ‘To the left, to the left’ in ‘Irreplaceable’, for example. There’ll also be plenty of surprises and silliness, including kissable voting cards and politician beach-scene cut outs. Shudder. Free, 9pm-2am. Bar 515, 515 Cambridge Heath Road, E2 9BU
The just-for-laughs party
Andy Zaltzman (and Guests) – Satirist for Hire: Election Special
If you’re worried that your MP isn’t listening to you, fear not, as superb satirist Andy Zaltzman might. He’s asking the audience of this special show to email their gripes to him, before he and guest comedians, including Josie Long, solve (as in, mercilessly rip apart) the crowd’s wide-ranging quibbles. Get political and ask about an overhaul of the British voting system or just lament Sainsbury’s brutal maiming of your Nectar Points. £15.50, 9pm. Udderbelly, South Bank.
The game-changing party
Are You Game
Politicians have a knack of being unintentionally hilarious, but sometimes it’s best to leave it to the professionals to make them look like wallies. That’s what the FOWL Cabaret crew will be doing as they host this anarchic collision of game show and cabaret. The bizarre antics will have a political flavour and you’ll see anything from circus acts to live art, all as a thinly veiled excuse for the unruly team to mercilessly tear into all things (and people) political. £10-£12, 7pm-2.30am, The Book Club, 100-106 Leonard Street, EC2A 4RH.
The party that tackles the meaty issues
The Cat & Mutton Election Night Party
In the midst of all the political squabbling in the run-up to a general election, it’s easy to forget The Big Question: which is best – burgers or chicken wings? That’s right, citizens, simply decide which is the better fast food (burgers, obviously) and email your choice to London Fields boozer the Cat & Mutton. The winning calorific treat will be served all night during the pub’s election coverage, for free. It’s the very best kind of democracy in action – the kind where you get to stuff your face for free. Who says the electorate never get what they want, eh? Unless you wanted pizza, in which case you just all-out lose. Free, 5pm-midnight. The Cat & Mutton, 76 Broadway Market, E8 4QJ.
The sloshed socialists party
Socialists: unite on general election night! Not actual socialists, obviously – let’s not bring politics into the election – but those who enjoy visiting central London music venue The Social. The upstairs bar will relay the high-octane ballot-counting action over huge screens and there’ll be a booming soundsystem to relay the punditry and drown out Milifan screaming. The real fun, however, comes from constituency-based drinking games and the inevitable shouting afterwards: ‘Mate, Peter Snow is a fucking legend’, etc. You even get a cuppa and bacon (or veggie) sarnie to see you through the night. £5, from 11pm. The Social, 5 Little Portland St,W1W 7JD
The party that loves a bit of drama
If you didn’t manage to snare tickets to this ambitious, popular new play – you’re not alone. Featuring a star-studded cast of over 50 (including Judi Dench, Catherine Tate and Ralf Little) it’s set in a polling station 90 minutes before polls close on election day and will be performed at that exact same time on the big night. Appropriately enough, you needed to enter a ballot – now closed – to secure tickets, but 20 standing tickets and returns will be available from the box office on any day of performance. If you don’t fancy the queue, it’s also being broadcast live on More4 on election night. 7.30pm. Donmar Warehouse, 41 Earlham Street, WC2H 9LX
The bloody funny party
You’ll probably need a giggle on election night (or just a stiff drink), so this election-themed extravaganza is a welcome treat indeed. There’ll be live coverage of the results and host Thom Tuck will be joined by comedians – including Marcus Brigstock and Joe Lycett – and politicians throughout the night to provide commentary and debate, plus plenty of laughs and larks. There’s even a political playlist, should you wish to lock down your Westminster groove. £12, 9pm-6am. Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club, 42 Pollard Row, E2 6NB