It can seem as if burlesque is never far from the limelight – or from causing a ruckus. In this week’s mag, our cabaret editor Ben Walters tries to grapple with that fact that a lot of burlesque performance out there is… well, a bit rubbish. But is this a problem? Or could it actually be the point? We want to hear from you – read the article and let us know in the comments if you think it’s spot-on, way off or none of the above..

Join the debate at The Rise of Bad Burlesque article.

If you’ve been buying vintage for as long as we have, you won’t bat an eye at the news that vintage stalwart Beyond Retro has reached the grand old age of 10-years old. That’s a whole decade of supplying London’s vintage clan with hand-me-down threads and up-cycled apparel through its own line, MADE. To celebrate this achievement in secondhand fashion, Beyond Retro is serving up free birthday treats across its three London stores throughout mid-May. Loyal fans can enjoy an evening of live music at the Brick Lane store on May 15 (5-7pm); while the Dalston store is hosting a cabaret showcase organised by The Tassel Club on May 17 (7.30-9pm). There’s also an afternoon of acoustic live music with Hoxton FM on May 19 (1-6pm) in Dalston and, over in Soho, two talks with fashion historian (and half of The Broken Hearts DJ duo) Amber Butchart have been arranged on May 18 – Amber will be talking about 1930s style at 9am and 6pm. If you can’t make it to any of the events, look out for the new anniversary totes, designed by Beyond Retro’s arty staff (£5) and head to blog.beyondretro.com for news of online giveaways and £1000 worth of prizes.

Museum of the Internet
Caroline McGinn, Performing Arts Editor
‘OK, so the ‘net has a gallery in the National Media Museum in Bradford. But surely the mighty world wide web deserves something bigger in London – the home city of the net’s living god, Tim Berners Lee (or TimBL as Wikipedia likes to call him). Venue? Tricky. To make it really apt we’ll need one whose circumference is everywhere and whose centre is nowhere. So how about… the M25! Soon, when the Thingternet is up and running and there’s a 3D printer in everyone’s pod, no-one will need to physically be anywhere ever again. So London’s grim asphalt girdle will be disused and available to exhibit miles of defunct modem cable and Interface Message Processors. Curated by? Homeless dotcom billionaires and now unemployed ex-Apple staff who leaked company secrets.’

Museum of Stolen Bikes
Katie Dailey, UK Lifestyle editor
‘Imagine if all the bicycles nicked from outside pubs and railway stations in London were collected in one place. A whole room could be devoted to a rogue’s gallery packed with video clips of thefts, glass cabinets full of pilfering devices, and pictures of convicted perpetrators as they’re led away to the gallows (admittedly this bit may rely on me being elected Mayor). Most of all, I’d like to be reunited with my first (of four) stolen bikes- a £25 pink shopper which was of no use to anyone but me.’

The Museum of London Places that Aren’t What They Were
Sara O Reilly, Around Town Editor
‘Remember when useful local shops weren’t estate agents? When great greasy spoons were allowed to exist as something other than branches of Starbucks? When lovely old department stores like Swan and Edgar, Arding and Hobbs or Derry and Toms were more than just characterless retail mulch? So would this museum.’

Museum of Failed Dishes
Guy Dimond, Food & Drink editor
‘A collection of exhibits chronicling the history of culinary misadventures in London. The early period would feature dishes such as Roman wine stored in lead flasks, Tudor bread padded out with chalk and sawdust and Victorian sweets adulterated with arsenic. Strong contemporary showings would come from the ostrich and mango sushi I once had at a Notting Hill restaurant or the Peking duck and hoi sin sauce pizza you can find along the South Bank.’

Museum of Discarded Tourist Tat
Sonya Barber, Blog Editor
‘At the height of holiday fever, it seems such a great idea to buy that pornographic pack of cards. However, once the sunshine and sangria have been subtracted from the picture, there’s a curious lack of allure to those glow-in-the-dark keyrings, bamboo owls and shell-covered boxes. But whilse they might be depressing on their own, en masse they could be the ultimate staycation. Just think of the beauty of the snowglobe room!’

The Pigeon History Museum
Alexi Duggins, Editor-At-Large
‘Granted, the Natural History Museum covers evolution fairly comprehensively. But the journey of the London pigeon from honest seed-gatherers to pestilent, manky-eyed bin-dwellers would be a fascinating case study in one creature’s stand against genetic progression. If nothing else, it’ll be worth it for all the nauseating ‘80s photos of guano-spattered Trafalgar Square tourists partaking in what – to the modern eye – looks less like some kind of horrific avian trial by ordeal.’

We also asked you for your suggestion of museums you would like to see. Highlights include the Museums of:

Paganism through the years

The Musical History of London

OLSX Tents!

The Museum of Strange Things found on the streets of London

Pince Nez

Gin

Pizza

Museum of farts

Hipsters

Museum of random sex acts using vegetables (!?)

Museum of things found on the bottom of the Thames

Pirates

Londoners

Kebabs

and last but not least the Museum of Facebook. Like.

Find out about London’s greatest Museums in this week’s Time Out Magazine.

Stop Motion grafitti has come to London. Well, Shoreditch to be exact. Jo Peel’s lovely three minute animation of a three week painting project tells the story of an evolving urban landscape on a wall at Village Underground. From beautiful butterfly to metropolitan sprawl via an inspired cameo from a plastic bag bird, this is definitely worth a watch.

For info about Jo and her work, see jopeel.com 

It’s a victory arch, a traffic island and was once home to London’s smallest police station; now Wellington Arch at Hyde Park Corner is about to become a gallery. Built in 1828 to commemorate Wellington’s defeat of Napoleon Bonaparte, it originally faced the entrance to Hyde Park. By 1883, the roads around it had become one big Victorian traffic jam, so it was moved to its current location. It was later used as a police station boasting 18 officers and a cat called Snooks, before its closure in the 1960s. In the late ’90s, English Heritage took over the arch, opening it to the public. Now, after a refurbishment the arch is reopening with the new Quadriga Gallery (a reference to the monumental sculpture group which sumounts the arch) on the top two floors. It will host exhibitions on aspects of English history, kicking off with ‘Stonehenge: Moumental Journey’ (until June 24). Whatever is on display, the views from the balconies are worth a visit in their own right, and would have impressed the Iron Duke himself. Will Davenport

For info, see english-heritage.org.uk/wellingtonarch.

Trailers aren’t what they used to be. This year has already seen the first trailer-for-a-trailer (for ‘Prometheus’), now the folks promoting the new Will Ferrell comedy ‘The Campaign’ are going one step further by releasing two trailers at once. The film follows rival Southern politicians Ferrell and Zach Galafianakis as they compete for North Carolina’s congressional seat, and the trailers are pitched as campaign ads for each party. Personally, we’d vote for Galifianakis’s Marty, but that might just be because of the moustache. ‘The Campaign’ doesn’t have UK release date as yet, but keep an eye on timeout.com/film for more info.

‘London, You’re Beautiful’ is published by Penguin, £20

Fed up with that barren patch at the back of your house? We asked a green-fingered guru for ideas on how to turn a wasteland into Arcadia

The kitchen garden

Amy Cooper runs www.secretseedsociety.com, a mail order seed- and bookshop which aims to engage children in food growing via illustrated stories with quirky characters, recipes and activities

‘We’re using a mixture of seeds, seedlings and plants to provide a productive and colourful garden. We’ve installed raised beds, and packed them with delicious vegetables and edible flowers. We’ve chosen vegetable varieties which will crop prolifically and add structure and colour to the garden. We’ve tried to make the most of vertical space – trellising will support crops of peas and beans, an arbor of grape vines creates an attractive entrance and the remaining wall space will be bearing apples and blackberries within a year.

We’ve also installed a worm café [an easy-to-use wormery for composting food waste], a water butt and composter to make it self-sufficient, hose pipe ban-proof and cheap to maintain. ‘We’ve planted a wide range of fruit, vegetables and herbs, which wouldn’t require too much care; rainbow chard seed is easy to grow, provides lots of colour and food throughout winter, and tolerates shade. “Celebration” runner beans produce lovely pink flowers to add some brightness at the end of a shady garden, while “Milan” purple top turnips are quick to mature and a good colour. I’d particularly recommend using tomatoes instead of flowers for hanging baskets; “Tumbler F1” grow early, with heavy fruits cascading beautifully.’

For more info about this garden and stockists for the plants listed, see secretseedsociety.com.

For more inspiration, see ‘Spruce up your London garden with Laetitia Maklouf‘, ‘Spruce up your London garden with Christopher Raeburn‘ and check out Time Out’s London’s best garden centres feature.

We have rounded up this summer’s hottest tickets for the capital’s best outdoor cinemas – now all we need is for it to stop raining. Although at present you’re more likely to be huddled under a blanket than lounging in an open-top car with Danny Zuko’s arm around your shoulder, nothing quite beats the feeling of watching a film under the stars. From the shadows of City Hall to a rooftop in Dalston, this year’s open air film offerings are more varied than ever. Our personal highlights include the Film4 Summer Screen season at the iconic Somerset House and Midsummer Night’s Screen at the Dalston Roof Park where good food, music and the coolest kids out east will be the perfect accompaniment to classic cinematic offerings (including teenage fave, Empire Records) all under the protection of the best emergency roof this side of Wimbledon. Ellie Clayton

For info, see our guide to the best open air movies in London.

Lights, camera, action, as London’s longest running film convention returns to Westminster’s Central Hall. With a hosts dealers selling a huge range of film-related items, including posters, toys, scripts, costumes, rare DVDs and books, this is one curtain call you don’t want to miss. Special guests will be doing talks and signings, from actresses Sylvia Syms and Peggy Cummins (May 12) to Bond girl and ‘Carry On’ actress Valerie Leon (Jul 14) and members of the cast and crew of ‘Goldfinger’ (Sept 22). Hurry up and get your tickets (£4, under 16s free) as they’re unlikely to end up on the cutting room floor.

For info, see film memorabilia listing.