Boogie outside Royal Festival Hall later this month at Meltdown’s silent disco after-party, headlined by acts so hot they’d melt Ono’s plastic band. Punters receive a set of earphones to assist with getting down and dirty to electric vixen Peaches, who headlines the Saturday June 15 show, and Jonathan ‘Wossy’ Ross who spins the decks on Saturday June 22.

Not in the mood to party? Take some inspiration from Yoko’s care-free cousin YOLO Ono…

Thinking of going? We’ve got 40% off tickets at uk-offers.timeout.com.

Kate Enright

Think of the South Bank and ‘leafy’ is probably not the first word to come to mind. But the area’s iconic concrete walkways are about to be transformed this summer into something possibly bordering on the rustic. A series of nine allotments, created from reclaimed wood, will be erected along the Thames, with plots dug on raised beds in front of the Royal Festival Hall. And if the weather holds up, we could soon be seeing the area blooming with fresh fruit, vegetables and flowers.

The project, the Queen’s Walk Window Gardens, in partnership with landscape gardeners Wayward Plants, is part of the Southbank Centre’s Festival of Neighbourhood. It will also feature 200 window boxes which will be ‘adopted’ by businesses, community groups, schools and residents and the allotments will be illuminated at night. Rebecca Taylor

Volunteers are needed to help construct the allotments for two weeks at the end of May before the official opening on June 1 and to help tend the plants during the festival.

Those of you of a green-fingered nature can get more information at southbankcentre.co.uk/neighbourhood.

Moo-ve over London Eye, there’s a new eyesore in town. That’s right, gloriously unsubtle purple cow the Udderbelly is back grazing on the south bank from Friday. The pop-up venue hosts three-months of udderlly good comedy, cabaret, theatre and more, and this year’s beefy (sorry) line-up features some prime cuts (we’ll stop now). The comedy headliners include bewildered Irishman Ardal O’Hanlon, West End-storming silent comedy sensation The Boy with Tape on His Face and brilliantly bonkers Canadian comic Tony Law. It all kicks off with the Time Out Live-curated Opening Gala this Friday. Go check it out, we dairy you (couldn’t resist…).

For more info and to buy tickets, see our comprehensive guide to the Udderbelly, or why not check out the comics’ picks and our top ten comedy shows at this year’s festival.

Do you remember Philip Vaughan’s Neon Tower? It was a 45-foot-tall sculpture on top of the Hayward Gallery that changed colour in accordance with the wind. After 36 years it was taken down in 2008 for renovation and has yet to re-emerge.

The Hayward Gallery say that the sculpture was only commissioned as a temporary feature and the current renovations included in the £120 million regeneration scheme do not allow for the sculpture that can’t be restored to its original glory.

The artist who was commissioned by the Arts Council to make the sculpture is not happy about the gallery’s plan to not reinstate the sculpture that was never described to him as temporary or feature it in its current ‘Light Show’. Boris Johnson, as well as artists Antony Gormley and Ron Arad and a number of other supporters, are campaigning to have the tower restored. So watch this space – maybe Philip Vaughan’s Neon Tower will once again be lighting up the Southbank.

Read more about at independent.co.uk.

London skateboarders get a rough deal. Not only do they have to put up with some of the worst weather in the world, but they now have to contend with the fact that the capital’s most famous skate spot is to be demolished. On March 6, the Southbank Centre announced new plans for the ‘Festival Wing‘, a £120 million redevelopment of the Southbank complex that will see its undercroft space – the centre of London’s skateboarding scene since the ’70s – turned into retail units. Unsurprisingly, London’s skaters, graffiti artists and BMXers have kicked up a bit of a stink at the idea of the street culture epicentre of Europe becoming another generic chain restaurant, but Southbank Centre have said they are looking into creating a new area for ‘urban arts’ under Hungerford Bridge. Many skaters, though, argue that such plans slightly miss the point: a little like knocking down Big Ben and and offering to build another clock tower up the road. Patrick Welch

Do you skate? Contribute to the proposed new plans here: southbankundercroft.com. Think it’s outrageous? Sign the petition here: change.org/petitions.

Find out more below:

The capital’s favourite riverside cultural hub, The Southbank Centre, is caught up amidst rumours of a watery expansion. If they turn out to be true, a wing of the cultural powerhouse may don a rubber ring and set afloat as early as Autumn 2014. This fantastical move would be a coping mechanism while the Southbank Centre undergoes a refurb that will cost an estimated £120 million (confirmed plans pictured above).
Nicknamed ‘SouthBerg’, the floating solution by Baca Architects would be an improvement on the usual scaffolding and chipboard we associate with building works in London, as long as you don’t suffer from sea sickness. The speculative plans suggest that wooden platforms will surround a central water feature as a temporary home to an art gallery, cinema, and even some offices. Don’t get too excited though, Southbank representatives have denied any involvement with the project so it seems the plans might sink like a lead balloon.  Adam Bloodworth

For all upcoming events, see our Southbank Centre listing.

‘The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.’ The famous opening lines of LP Hartley’s 1900-set novel, ‘The Go-Between’, could almost be taken as a subtitle for the Southbank Centre’s The Rest Is Noise festival – a year-long look at the development of music and culture over the course of the twentieth century. It makes the book an apt choice for the Centre’s first Book Club read of 2013.

Indeed, literature programmer and Book Club coordinator Erica Jarnes has carefully selected each of this year’s books so that they tie in with the larger festival, providing context and an added richness for those who wish to investigate further.

Thus a month of programmes focusing on Paris in the 1920s ended with the Book Club’s discussion of Ernest Hemingway’s highly-contentious-yet-highly entertaining memoir ‘A Moveable Feast’. March sees the focus of the festival shifting to Weimar, Germany, with the Book Club following suit by looking atChristopher Isherwood’s brilliant novel ‘Goodbye to Berlin’ on March 28.

Next up, on April 30, the group will discuss Patrick Neate’s tale of family, friendship and jazz ‘Twelve Bar Blues’, followed on May 23 by Mikhail Bulgakov’s satirical fantasy ‘The Master and Margarita’, which was written in secret during the darkest days of Stalin’s regime. It is this careful planning that gives the Southbank Centre Book Club its special appeal. Regular attendees should get a real sense of a literary journey through the twentieth century with each passing session, but casual members and newcomers are also encouraged.

Another plus is the make-up of the group itself: numbering around 30, with no single sex or agegroup dominating the discussion, the gathering is small enough to feel intimate, yet large enough to enable more reserved members to simply sit quietly and observe without feeling selfconscious. And finally, it’s free – which is as welcome now as it was in the past. Wayne Gooderham

For info, see southbankcentre.co.uk. Free (but booking essential). Mar 28, Apr 30, May 23 6.30pm.

Four other great book clubs

The Science Fiction Book Group
Next meet: March 25
Reading: ‘Floating Worlds’ by Cecelia Holland
Cost: £2
More info: sciencefictionbookclub.org

London Girly Book Club
Next meet: March 25
Reading: ‘The Book Thief’ by Markus Zusak
Cost: £2
More info: meetup.com/girlybookclub
See also: Chick Lit & Wine

South Woodford Crime Reading Group
Next meet: April 8
Reading: ‘The Glass Room’ by Ann Cleeves
Cost: Free
More info: South Woodford Library, 8708 9067

London Gay Reading Group
Books of a gay interest
Next meet: Second Sunday of each month
Reading: ‘Why Be Happy when You Could Be Normal?’ by Jeanette Winterson
More info: lgrg.co.uk

Tonight (March 23) London’s going all medieval as most of the South Bank will plunge into darkness at 8.30pm. If you want a romantic setting or you’d like to support a good cause, then head over to some of the riverside’s biggest players as they turn out the lights and start burning the candles just in time for WWF’s Earth Hour. The annual event is celebrated worldwide and last year saw over 7.6 million people taking part in the event in the UK alone. This year is set to be even darker, as the National Theatre, Southbank Centre, ITV Studios and the BFI Imax among others pledge to do their bit to switch off their lights. So if you’re planning to go on a leisurely stroll along the river tonight, keep a torch on you just in case. We don’t want any accidents out there. Adam Bloodworth

For more info, see the WWF website.

London Dungeon’s just moved from its London Bridge location to County Hall on Southbank in a £20 million revamp opening on March 1. Guess who the first journalists in the whole wide world to gain access were? Yep, that’s right. It was us (no, we’ve no idea how that happened either). Here are some exclusive behind-the-scenes photos…

For info, see thedungeons.com.

Anyone talking about a Christmas pre-tox clearly hasn’t heard about the free chocolate festival taking place at Southbank Centre starting today (Dec 7-9). With a programme that would make Willy Wonka jealous, chocolate fans can sample mouthwatering wares from renowned chocolatiers such as William Curley and Damian Allsop. If stuffing dangerous amounts of chocolate into your mouth isn’t enough, you’ll be able to learn about the delicate art of chocolate making at a number of workshops, as well picking up tips on how to incorporate chocolate into your Christmas dishes. There’ll be the obligatory hot chocolate, chocolate cocktails, a chocolate fountain, chocolate savoury food and even chocolate sculptures. Jonno Hopkins

For info, see Chocolate Festival listing.