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London Fire Brigade ask you to please refrain from putting your penis in the toaster

Posted at 3:30 pm, October 4, 2013 in Fun London, News
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The home can be a dangerous place, especially if you’re partial to slipping your schlong into electrical appliances. Yes, according to a log of bizarre call-outs released by the London Fire Brigade this week, at some point during the last three years, one of you lot has accidentally got your penis stuck in a toaster.

You may laugh (and laugh a lot), but these kinds of incidents have set us taxpayers back an estimated £100,000 a year. In response to the increased number of call-outs to rescue the public from suspicious trappings (especially people trapped in handcuffs – what the Fire Service speculate to be the ‘Fifty Shades effect’), the London fire brigade launched their #FiftyShadesOfRed campaign back in July to instil a little common sense in the nation and to try and prevent these incidents.

The Fire Service released a lengthy list today of some of their most bizarre call-outs including: 18 kids with their heads stuck in toilet seats/potties (another with its head in an ironing board, one in a massage chair and another child’s head stuck in a tambourine) an adult stuck in a child’s toy car, five people with their hands in shredders and four in blenders, 79 people trapped in handcuffs, nine men with rings stuck on their cocks, a poor man with his arm stuck in a Portaloo and lo and behold, a man with a toasty member.

So, has an inviting-looking ring caught your eye? Take a Fire Brigade spokeperson’s advice: ‘if the ring doesn’t fit, don’t force it on.’ Ally Swadling

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