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Basic bridges need not apply: 12 far-out designs for a Pimlico-Nine Elms crossing

Posted at 8:00 am, February 26, 2015 in Transport
Nine Elms Bridge Map

Did you know it’s a whole MILE between Vauxhall and Chelsea bridges? And miles are long ting, bruv. This is why Wandsworth Council have set up a contest to design a new foot-and-cycle bridge from Nine Elms to Pimlico (right around where that orange arrow’s a-pointin’), a plan which even TfL thinks is a cracking idea.

And some of the entries are pretty interesting! To give upstart young architects a shot, the designs are all anonymous in the first round, so let’s just make some snap judgements.

The Claire’s Accessory:


My Very Special Pink Sparkle Home: LED Tiara Magic™ Edition.

The Bridge O’ Rainbow Crystal:


Okay, this one’s pretty cool actually.

The Glastonbridge Psychedelic Experience:


‘…and the very air was on fire and the fire was the mouth of the dragon and then we became the dragon and the fire was a million colours and it was the colour of god…’

The Oh Shit The Deadline Is Tomorrow?! I Guess This Conveys The Gist Bridge:

Screen Shot 2015-02-25 at 17.00.33

‘Like what if there were like eight different ways to get onto the bridge? And then there were like 12 bridges all twisted up together, and then like halfway along it went multicoloured? That’s what I’m thinking.’

The Designer Thought This Was A Competition For Album Cover Art Bridge:


The bridge will be made out of minimal techno.

The Left-Over 3D Asset From ‘Half-Life 2’:


Somewhere a forbidding oil processing facility is missing a few bits ‘n’ bobs.

The Never Mind The Bridge, Check Out These Rad Fountains:


Spray and pray.

The Squiggle Theatrically On A Napkin And Get The Intern To Mock It Up in 3D Bridge:


‘Just get it done, son – I’ve got a 12.30 with the Qataris.’

The You Thought This Bridge Was Boring, But Wait, We’ve Only Gone And Put Some Mental Squiggles At Either End, aka ‘The Goldsmiths’:

Squiggle Bridge

£100 says the squiggles represent the ‘creativity and dynamism of the Nine Elms area.’

The ‘And As I Placed My Desk Ruler On Two Building Blocks, Inspiration Struck’ Bridge:


‘Look, it works like this. It’s just bigger. That’s what I’m saying. I don’t need five years of engineering school. Cables, masts, it’s all just showing off.’

The Don’t Go Jason Waterfall:


BONUS FEATURE: protects west London from advancing enemies from the East, as the deluge from above swamps their puny raiding craft! Also, a scary troll lives under the rainbow.

The #YOLO Bridge:


‘I might be high but I have Google Image Search and Photoshop Elements. Let’s do this thing.’

To see the rest of the beautiful designs, visit nepbridgecompetition.co.uk.

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